Absence of Light

As I slowly recall the day’s events, a disturbing thought crosses my mind. This day was of the same pattern as of those that precede it, and I thought to myself, will this cycle change as time takes the better of me? Will I ever arise over my former self’s shadow and break these bonds of restraint? Will I ever come back to my former glory or go through farther ahead than what I’ve already climbed? “Lazy, too lazy, no effort at all,” the eyes of those that watch over me clearly see the dilemma my heart faces. As of now, I’m wasting away the little moments of consciousness I have before I drown myself in sleep. I’ve been crawling under my own darkness, looking for the light. I’ve been crawling ever since I fell. I’m at the point of my life where I’m so engrossed into other things that a meager past time took almost my day’s entire event, the rest, I spent brooding over thoughts that other people might even consider useless and would be a waste of time. But why do I bother to think of things like love? I’ve been crawling too long in this darkness that I’m not even sure why I’m crawling. I’m being bounded by things I don’t have knowledge of. I know I have the power to break through, I know I have the power to stand up and turn on that freaking light. But I’m afraid of what I would see after. I’m afraid what the light might show. I’m afraid that maybe there’s a reason why the light was turned off. For all I know, this love I'm harboring might as well be my end. For all I know, it'll just make me more dejected as I already am. But I am hopeful and I shall give my entire best to break free from these bonds. I will be honest, I will be forward. I am not one to break promises, I am not one to make empty promises either. I may not be perfect, but I will make it up with determination so that I will see the light, her light. Maybe I am fitted for the darkness after all, for all it's worth, I can definitely see the amount of her splendor from here...